He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
