She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
