Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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