He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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