it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Girls should come with a carfax report
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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