I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Randomize
