His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
being pregnant is like rehab
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
