I wish I only lived at night.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
