I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
