mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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