I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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