is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
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