never play flip cup with pint glasses
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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