apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
