Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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