Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
