We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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