nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
