So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
