does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Randomize
