i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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