chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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