Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
barbara walters just said penis...
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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