After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
