Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize