So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
