I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize