the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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