It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
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