Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
