she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
