pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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