Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
