This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
