Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
