i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
you inspire me to be a worse person
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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