I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
