I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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