I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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