Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
