I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
