i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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