You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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