member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
It's never too late to be topless.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
