I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
