i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize