I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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