and she was petting her beer can
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
