someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
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