I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
