and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
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