When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize