just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
