I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
