While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
