i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
