the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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