I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Randomize