There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
