You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
