Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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