So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
