Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Randomize
