there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
