I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
