I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
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