So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Randomize
