when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
