So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize