We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
