I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
