3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Randomize