Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
