i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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