You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
