if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
