so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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