The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
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