i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
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