At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
