hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
