Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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