so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
