Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize