If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
