my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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