so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
