Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
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