Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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