tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
