Who did Billy Mays play for?
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
