my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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